Caveat Emptor: The Big Bad World of Job Hunting

Dedicated to A who celebrates her birthday today.

I don’t like networking. Yes, I know it’s sacrilege but it’s true. Conceptually, it’s brilliant- we go to a party and get to meet lots of new and exciting people, some of whom will enrich our lives. Networking is much the same (minus the alcohol and music, well, usually). It’s all about exposure and it’s what we do when expanding our social circles; we seek out interaction with individuals with whom we have something in common, as the likelihood of compatibility increases with similarity of interests/background.

Yet, searching for suitable suitors, for work or for play, isn’t easy. How many of us have a genuine interest in the people around us? How many of us have a genuine interest in helping those people? Were we to heed Dale Carnegie, I believe unemployment would already have dropped considerably, or at the least we could hold everyone’s attention during introductions, and there might even be world peace. But I digress.

More to the point, a true story. A good friend of mine, a smart, savvy individual we’ll call Ariella, mentioned to me several times that she thought a friend of hers, ‘Max,’ had a lot in common with me. So she set us up, so to speak, by sending a virtual introduction. When she did, I responded promptly, as is, I believe customary and especially important to do when one is introduced through a close friend. Max’s response lagged and she subsequently admitted that she had forestalled in meeting me because I had responded so quickly. I guess she subscribes to the asinine “I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member” philosophy. I don’t like dogs (yes, another sacrilege!) but I give them credit for their authentic and enthusiastic response to others of their own kind. Ironic, isn’t it, that in this time when response time can be lightning quick, it’s all too often decried as overeager, and backfires. So, buyer beware! The intricacies of appropriate response time may be elusive, as elusive as learning how to be interviewed has been for me.

An interview, like networking and dating, is supposed to assess mutual compatibility. Interviewers claim to want to please us too but is it true? Like everything else in life, it all depends on the human being with whom we’re interacting. I’ve been blessed to encounter several sincere, impressive and somewhat intimidating individuals thus far. An indication of their sincerity is the level of interaction. Listening practices vary with different scenarios however, earnest interviewers, like true friends, listen intently and seek to engage in a discussion. In both instances, finding the right balance between talking and listening is vital to a successful engagement (no pun intended).

But that’s easier said than done and it’s understandable. The constant distraction of hand-held devices and television are formidable opponents to concentration. TV, like everything else, can be fabulous in limited quantities but overall, I think the invention of the television is worse than that of the H-bomb. The former is killing us, at least those of us in the tri-state area, slowly, with every possible entertainment venue and home overcrowded with TV screens. Forgive me as I cite one of my favorite TV shows to demonstrate. In a Remington Steele episode, the eponymous character drily says, “Television, Mildred, deadens the mind, corrupts the soul.” As strange as it may sound, given the current climate, the intensity of an interviewer’s focus on me and what I am saying is somewhat disconcerting and therefore leads to mistakes.

Sometimes my mistakes are obvious, in irreversible retrospect, and sometimes they’re not. And who do we have to guide us along this path? How do we know what and how to improve? Unlike with our jobs, in which our managers are paid to make sure we learn from our mistakes, help us acquire new skills and ultimately succeed, the process of networking and interviewing is one we handle mostly on our own. Occasionally interviewers and headhunters will proffer some insights but such guidance doesn’t exist with networking unless we are accompanied by someone we know and they feel secure enough in the relationship to offer constructive input (read: criticism). I rely on input from people I trust and frankly, talking about failures is not fun so I do it sparingly and instead, employ the tried and true method of trial and error. It’s proving to be a lengthy process for a novice like me and unfortunately, unlike networking, interviewing is a one-shot deal.

The big, bad world of job hunting is an uncomfortable place to be, with all its encouraged networking and mandatory interviews. Lots of people will try to sell you panaceas along the way but there are numerous ways to find a job and countless ways to meet people. It’s best to utilize as many as possible; you never know what will work until you try. If you decide to pay for a coach, please make sure you see them face-to-face; too many of us try to multi-task while on the phone. And as for networking, it isn’t all bad. Remember my amazing friend Ariella? I met her at a networking event and she has truly enriched my life. But ultimately, my recommendation is- caveat emptor! Find your way to make it happen.